Honorable Thieves

While holding a velociraptors mouth open; I asked Nando if I left my parents at the bar because Alexa wanted to go smoke cigarette. Then she started drunk crying and ran away. So I ran to the car to find Nando, who is working at the new Jurassic World/or maybe the old Jurassic world, the day that everything goes to shit.

I was hanging out with my family, my whole family: my mom whispered we were waiting for someone and as my aunt walked in, the whole family pours in behind them. Everyone is giving me hugs, they all are handing me money: I look at my dad and tell him to anyone else in the restaurant I look like the hairiest 13 year old and this is the weirdest bar-mitzvah. Some random Jewish guy even walks over and hands me a 20 dollar bill saying, “I don’t know why this is happening or who you are, but here’s this, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your company.” Shocked still I’m saying my goodbyes; if you know me writing is very important and I was already being requested by a few good friends to write some and track down a buddy who has a few stories and was curious to help us with our story. Heading out to my car I discover that we are at the ocean. Like living in some ocean town, maybe the world’s ice caps or something melted, whatever the sitch, people we’re walking across ropes to stay dry, and overall the community seemed really tight nit. I had to track some stuff down still: I end up at some rundown version of Alexa’s old Victoria Secret store, it’s some kind of combined clothing and grocery store. I get the stuff I need and mozy on out after a handful of random conversation and a large group of people chatting with me while I was waiting to find what I was looking for as well as purchase everything. Fernando calls me asking me where I am, if I had completed the task he asked for, and again, knowing me, I hadn’t yet. I had done everything except that as usual. Feeling a bit disappointed I head back to my apartment where I notice my cats are kind of hiding from me. Not necessarily hiding-hiding, just not running up to me and loving all over me. After sitting in a chair for a bit I get up and head to the kitchen; in the kitchen I proceeded to gather up things I need/put stuff away. I then vomit. All over the sink/countertops/floor, wandering back towards my chair I spew again in the hallway, decide walking is a bad idea, so I head back to the kitchen: I come to the realization I had been fighting some type of invisible beast/monster this entire time; some type of entity that did not want me to be ok. The vomit in the sink begins to become something similar to the golgothan: the shit demon from Dogma, a hand starts to rise out of the sink, which is when I decide to turn the faucet on and the disposal and rid myself of this demon once and for all. Long fight scene later, it works. Victorious/defeated I can’t clean all this up, I slump my way back to my chair, I’ve washed my face, but the kitchen and hallway are still wrecked; my cat Coral comes up to me and licks my face (which is extremely rare for how skiddish she is), I laugh, she laughs; I stare at her inquisitively as she’s laughing like a human. I wake up, checking myself; grabbing my phone to double and triple check myself to make sure I had not actually puked myself: went to the bathroom to quadruple check. And now I know for certain I have not puked myself, but I probably shouldn’t polish off a whole bottle of wine to myself 15 minutes or so before I’m going to bed.

Explain God to me; I’m leaving this in your hands tumblr.